


Superhero

by angelaiswriting (carolinemoore)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Infinity War Spoilers!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 18:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14624466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinemoore/pseuds/angelaiswriting
Summary: He knew what he was going to see on that tape. Pepper had tried to tell him, to explain to him what had happened while he was somewhere in space, but the tears had just been too much.Bethy was gone–gone forever. And he hadn’t been there with her. He had held that very boy she had always had a crush on but he had not been there for his own daughter.





	Superhero

**Author's Note:**

> Also on my Tumblr [ http://angelaiswriting.tumblr.com/post/173823530513/superhero-dadtony-stark ]

He knew what he was going to see on that tape. Pepper had tried to tell him, to explain to him what had happened while he was somewhere in space, but the tears had just been too much.

Bethy was gone– _gone forever_. And he hadn’t been there with her. He had held that very boy she had always had a crush on but he had not been there for his own daughter.

Fingers paralyzed on the keyboard, he thought back to the day he had woken up just to find out he had a daughter now. He had called her a mistake for way too long a time: one night he had just been too drunk in his lab. To this day he still didn’t remember what he had done to produce a human being, even though the tapes were there for him to rewatch them–he was maybe going to do that now, now that she was gone and that he felt more miserable than he had ever felt.

He had spent so many months not wanting that girl and it was just because Pepper had been there that he had named her Bethany. ‘Bethany’ had always sounded like home somehow and even though he had never imagined himself with a kid, he had felt like that was the right name for her.

And then, with time, he had started to feel more comfortable around her. She was his, whether he wanted that or not–his flesh and bone and cellular structure and messed up brain. But he had never been there for her first steps or her first words or her first jar of Nutella at two years of age. And he regretted all of that now.

He had spent so much time being angry with himself for that experiment he had called ‘daughter’ that he had forgotten to stop and understand what she really meant–sleepless nights when she sneaked out to go see some boy, sleepy hugs in the morning before she left for school. She had even begged him to get her a pet–any pet, really–but he had always said no. No dogs, no cats, no birds, no guinea pigs, no nothing, not even a fish. And he now regretted it all.

How can you think you have all eternity when you’re just human? How can you be so blind when all you’ve ever needed has always been right in front of your eyes?

Tony let out a trembling sigh.

How could a father see her daughter leave this world? How could he have enough strength to go on with his life when the greatest gift he had ever received–and he understood this now maybe for the first time–wasn’t there anymore?

He would wake up to a silent house and everything would scream of her–her tea mug, her room, her books scattered everywhere, the dress he had bought her for her prom, all of the pictures Pepper had forced him to take with her. Even his armors would remind him of her–she had always been there, suggesting things even if he wouldn’t listen to her.

And Pepper. Pepper would be the biggest reminder of them all. She would cry all her tears for his Bethy–she would cry until her eyes would turn too red and too puffy to bear any tears and she would become a ghost, wandering around the house, trying to forget the past and build a new future. And she would crumble down in front of him and he was now too weak to help her up.

And whenever he’d look at his reflection in the mirror he would think of her. Their eyes lit up in the same way, they wrinkled in the same way. And she would do that cute thing with her nose when he made her laugh her ass off. Even now, sitting in the silent living room, her laughter seemed to echo down the walls, tickle the back of his neck. And for a terrible second, she was there, on the couch, and she was crying because some bad guy had kidnapped her daddy. And she was crying again–he had got home with that bright thing in his chest keeping him alive. And she had kept on crying that night in his room while he tried to tell her that everything was fine, that daddy was back and wasn’t going anywhere. Even now he could feel her tears soaking up his pajama shirt, her hands balling up the soft material, reminding him of the duties he had towards his daughter. And she was crying again–the Avengers were breaking up and she was losing the only friends she had managed to make. And she yelled at him, punched his chest–“You can’t all agree on everything, dad! You can’t be all the same.”

But she wasn’t there and she would never be again.

 

* * *

 

_“You should have told him,” Bethany said, trying to focus on her American History paper that was due the following day._

_“The line fell,” Pepper sighed. She was standing right in front of the huge windows of the living room, the same living room Tony sat now in. And her gaze wandered the buildings surrounding the compound and she forced herself not to look up, not to stare at the sky–if not for herself, for Bethany, whose red eyes spoke more than a thousand words. “He loves you very much, he’s just not good at showing it.”_

_Beth had stood from her chair and her hand on her shoulder startled Pepper. “I know, Peps. He loves you too, more than anything else in the world.” She came to her side and side hugged her, her face resting in the crook of the woman’s neck, forehead against her cool skin. “And he will love your child even more.”_

_“What if he…” Pepper swallowed hard and Tony could see her trying to hold back the tears. “What if…”_

_She couldn’t say those words–she couldn’t even bring herself to form that sentence in her mind. Her brain was clouded and at the same time so very empty._

_“He won’t die.” Beth was shaking her head, pulling away from the hug to stare at her stepmother-to-be. “He promised me when he came back from Afghanistan. He doesn’t always keep his promises, but I know he’ll come back.”_

_“How can you be so confident?”_

_“Because he’s my dad and I love him more than I’ll love anyone else and I cannot imagine my life without him.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tony had to push the stop button. One thing was knowing, deep down, that you had spent your whole life letting your own daughter down; but another was hearing her lay her love for you out for everyone to see and coming back too late to tell her you feel the same–you’ve always felt the same and you always will and there’s nothing in this world like holding someone you love so close it hurts, so close your bones feel like cracking, like breaking. And time would feel like a useless dimension, something you could happily do without. And you would give your soul– _your life_ –to get the fucking time stone from that fucking purple alien to have another chance at loving your child. To see her grow up, blossom in the smart woman she was bound to become. And he would let her go to the movies with that Parker boy and he would cheer her up. He would watch her walk towards another man and he would accompany her to the altar and he wouldn’t be crying her death now, but her new start in life, her new family, her chance at having her own kid and be happy. And he would surprise her with a new pet at every birthday until their house would be full and he would continue with more, and he would give her the Moon because only God knew how much Beth deserves in life. And he would let her be reckless and live her life and he would take her places and show everyone what gift he had been honored with.

And yet, all he had now was a bunch of memories that weren’t enough to call him a father. A bunch of memories that will keep haunting him day and night and that will break him from inside way beyond the point of no return.

And it all hurt now–his crying eyes, his pulsing brain, his lungs fighting for oxygen, his ears, constantly picking up her voice. And his heart–his heart felt like a corpse inside his chest. It was heavy and broken and bleeding to the point he thought it was going to break forever, to bring him to the other world to see his Bethany. And it felt like Thanos was ripping it out, breaking his ribs, blood gushing out the hole in his chest.

And Pepper was there–his Pepper and _her Pepper too_ , crying in his neck, holding him tight, fighting to keep the tears in, to swallow them up. Because Bethy would never want for them to cry for her, to waste their time with all that pain. Because she _was_ life–a miracle come to this world because of the best mistake Tony had ever made.

But Bethy wasn’t there, and her eyes were closed now, her eyelids glued together, and she would never open them again. And he would go out into the world and would look for her different colored eyes in those of everyone around him, trying to find hers, to bring her back to life.

 

* * *

 

 _But she was there again,_ alive _, carved in the frames of the security camera tape. And she was moving, talking,_ breathing _. And it hurt more than those spikes he had had inside his chest. And they were now moving towards his heart with every word she said, with every scratch of her pen on the paper, with every smile she smiled to try and cheer Pepper up a bit._

_Because her daddy was coming back, because he would never leave her alone again. Because he had promised her and even though he had kept his word, he had come too late–like always._

_“He’s coming back and we’re telling him of my new brother or sister and we will have to read those stupid maternity books because, let’s be honest, neither my dad nor I know how to deal with other human beings,” she was saying._

_And Tony let out a broken giggle because that was the horrible truth, the one that was eating him alive from the inside. They were born to be smart and clever and to create things and to be pains in the ass and to have stupid fights and to watch documentaries together and to_ create things _together, to develop more Fridays and more Jarvis’ and to come up with updating ideas for his suit. They were born to be different, to have different priorities, different world-views, different conceptions of what is good and what is not._

_“Don’t worry, Peps,” Beth smiled. “Tony Stark always comes back.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Pepper closed her eyes. She had lived that day once–and a million times inside her head. Had she had the chance to switch places with that girl, to _save_ her, she would have. She would have given up on the chance to give birth to her own child just to be a mother for the girl who didn’t have one.

And yet she could see everything as though that tape had been printed behind her closed eyelids. And so she was there and Beth was holding her hand, squeezing it to the point it hurt, and she was trying to be strong for the woman she had always loved like a mom.

Countless minutes, maybe hours,  passed before something happened.

 

* * *

 

 _Beth had finished her paper somehow and was now staring at the TV screen in horror, Pepper by her side. And people were dying in Wakanda and aliens had finally come–without signs, though, this_ _time–and the end of the world was here and it all felt so surreal. And for a second they both thought of_ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy _and they both felt like laughing. Martin Freeman was worrying again for his house and Mos Def was saving him again and it was better than in_ Star Wars _because this adventure was fun, and stupid, and so mind-blowing they both still didn’t know what to think of that film._

 _But Martin Freeman was just an actor, Mos Def too, and_ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy _was just a stupid story that wasn’t real._

_The reality was that her friends were fighting a war not worth dying for. The reality was that her friends were there and were risking their lives and her dad and her crush were somewhere in space, maybe already dead, and it was so horrible to be left behind. To sit there knowing nothing, but hoping–hoping with all their strength that everything turns out for the best._

_Tony still feels Peter in his hug, the boy’s bone-crashing hold on him in his last moments. And he was still begging him to not let go, to not let him go anywhere._

_And Bethy is holding onto Pepper now and they’re both crying and they’re both scared because who knows what death is like? And she’s begging Peps to not let her go because she doesn’t want to die without seeing her daddy one last time and without telling him how much she loves him and how much he means to her. And she doesn’t want to go without knowing what it is like and without having graduated and without having been kissed for the first time. And she begs Pepper to hold onto her so very tight, to keep her anchored to this very ground, because she’s scared and she wants to see her baby sibling and wants to go to college and grow up and see things. And she wants to hold Hulk’s hand again and she’d like for Hulk to be there and to cheer her up like she always cheers him up and they haven’t seen in forever. And she wants a damn dog and a damn kiss and a damn drink because she doesn’t wanna go without knowing what vodka tastes like. And she wants to die in his daddy’s arms because then she wouldn’t be afraid, because she’d know everything is fine and that her dad is with her and she’d be happy and honored and proud to leave this world like that. And she tries to delay the departure and she wants to stay because she’s too young and she has yet to start living._

_And now she’s fading and Tony wants to hold her, to become one with his daughter just so that she doesn’t go where he cannot follow her. And Tony is fading, too, inside and all he wants is to go, to see his Bethy one last time because they didn’t have a chance to say their last goodbye._

_And Peps is holding onto air and she’s crying and no one’s there with her,_ for _her, and she doesn’t know what to do, her brain has stopped working. And all she sees is Bethy fading away again and again and again–_ and again _. And there is nothing she can do to stop her, to hold her back, and she still feels her burning tears on her ice-cold skin and they burn like acid and they draw blood even if it’s all in her head. And she’s scared because she doesn’t know what happened and she thinks about the paper Beth has just written and who’s going to hand it in at school? And who’s going to prom with that beautiful dress? And where is she going to find the strength to tell Tony that his daughter has left forever and that another child is on its way? And where on Earth did Bethany go? And why did she leave her? And why did_ she _let her go? And how could someone be so heartless to kill her? And who’s going to live her life? And who’s going to graduate in her place? And why can’t they talk about boys anymore? And what’s going to happen to the ice cream she bought the day before? And what’s gonna happen now? To her? To Tony? To everyone else?_

_And she’s alone in her living room and her brain is killing her, it won’t stop working and she doesn’t know what to do. And Bethy’s arms still feel so real and they’re still hugging her tight because none of them wants to let go and it hurts because she wasn’t strong enough to hold her back and she let her venture alone down a path she can’t take–not yet–and she wonders whether they’re going to meet again one day and she really hopes so and God, why did you have to take my girl?_

 

* * *

 

 

And they’re both crying now–Tony and Pepper. And they’re trying to keep it down, to not make a sound, but it hurts and they’re not strong enough. And all they can see is Bethy fading away, disappearing in front of their eyes, and they cannot stop it and they cannot rewind time and only God knows where Thanos is and he’s too far to bring her back. And maybe God doesn't exist after all because how could He take a kid like her? A kid like Peter?

And they’re both crying because they don’t know what else to do and they don’t feel their empty stomachs grumbling and they cannot feel the world around them.

And who cares about fixing the world now?

Because Bethy’s History paper is still there, on the living room glass table, and it’s staring at them and it won’t let them be and it feels like it’s shooting daggers down their throats and it all feels so fake. But Beth is not five anymore and she’s not hiding, nor is she playing, trying to outsmart Jarvis. And she didn’t sneak out to finally tell Peter she would like to go out with him, nor did she take Thor out to go on a walk with him. And she’s not playing chess with Vision, trying to finally win a game, because Vision is gone, too, and there’s no coming back. And she’s not messing with Steve, nor is she reading out loud to herself in her room. And Bucky isn’t with her because Bucky’s gone, too, and Fury isn’t trying to keep things from her because… well, because Fury isn’t part of this world anymore. And she’s not trying to coax Nat to teach her some Russian, nor is she gossiping around with Wanda. And she’s not playing with her daddy’s gadgets because they’re all locked up in a room and Tony doesn’t want to see them ever again. Because Iron Man didn’t manage to save one of the only two things worth saving in his life and he doesn’t feel like being Iron Man anymore.

Because how can you be a superhero when you can’t even save your daughter?

And all he can see when he closes his eyes is black because Beth isn’t there to light up his world anymore. And because death is black and he feels so dead inside.

And when Peps closes her eyes, all she can hear is Tony’s raging heart in her ears and Bethy’s laughter and her daydreaming about anything in the world. And she still hears the girl asking her to put a good word with her dad because she’d really like a Valentine’s date this year. And then she hears her crying and begging her to not let go and she’s back again and she hates herself. Because how can you be a mother when you can’t even protect your child?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, if you enjoyed this, consider leaving some sort of feedback -- it'd really make my day and I always love to hear from you xx


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